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Essays, What Doesn't Work – Inside the Yale Admissions Office

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This is a continuation of Essays, What Works – Inside the Yale Admissions Office. Read Hack the College Essay for tips on how to approach your application, essays, and your personal voice amidst the battle of college applications.

  • Many individual choices can be made well
    • Tells AOs what the student can add to the community, and gives a clear idea of who the person is
  • Otherwise,
    • Ineffective essays that are essentially missed opportunities
    • From the application, it is clear that the student is dynamic and intelligent but the 650 words don’t help AOs get to know the person better
      • β€œThey came and they went”

What not to do

  • The most common issue is when AOs finish reading the essays and then think β€œSo what?”
  • Essays written in the third person
    • A few paragraphs in, there’s a twist where β€œthat person was actually me”
    • Students do this because they want storytelling, but it is always obvious that it is you
      • AOs scan for when this twist happens
  • Drama for the sake of drama
    • Ties in to previous err
    • Feeling like you need to dramatize your story, or need a tragic story to stand out to AOs
    • Overdramatizing essays can get in the way of a simple genuine story about yourself
  • Only storytelling essay
    • An essay that is only storytelling
      • Nice beginning, middle, and end
    • This often leads to overdramatizing
    • Uses more words to tell a story rather than to reflect
  • Stuck in the past essay
    • if an essay is written about an experience when you’re 5, a lot has changed since then
      • Using it as a starting point to show growth might be good
      • Typically they get stuck in the past and then AOs ask β€œWhat about now?”
  • Cover letter essay
    • Takes your activities list, and writes a cover letter essay
    • Misses the opportunity to tell something new
    • Not using the space wisely, you already have space to talk about your activites
    • You can choose an activity to reflect on, but dont turn it into activity brag
  • Death of a grandparent
    • Often unsuccessful – very predictable
    • You should have reflections and insights rather than just talking about your grandparents and your sadness
      • Compress all of that to the first third and talk more about yourself and your reflection
    • Don’t give people a biography, its completely unnecessary
      • When speaking about a relationship, reflect it back to you – don’t write a biography
  • Don’t go for the shock factor
    • Don’t try to shock your AOs
  • β€œUnlike most people…” essay
    • Suggest exceptionalism
    • Don’t define yourself in opposition to other people
  • Writing a letter to someone else
    • Letter to future self or roommate
    • Too gimmicky
    • A huge amount of content is devoted to propping up the gimmick (salutation, turns of phrase, etc)
  • Story of failure without redemption
    • Don’t spend the entire essay talking about the failure, talk about redemption
    • An experience where you’re not at your best can be a great essay, shows vulnerability
      • Ensure you make space for reflection
  • Over-thesaurus essay
    • Don’t write an essay with a thesaurus on your side
    • Use natural language
    • You want to sound smart, but make sure you sound authentic
    • Go for conversational tone instead

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